Heartbreak – Then and Now

Heartbreak picture

Heartbreak sucks.

When my mum threw away my beloved Little Pillow which was with me for 17 years, I was insanely heartbroken.

Little Pillow to me was like an iPad to kids nowadays. Even the size was so alike. But Little Pillow was lighter, fluffier and wouldn’t break down when I threw him around. Little Pillow was cuddly and balmy and as the cliché goes, I slept with it, play with it, eat with it, pee with it, shit with it. I was obsessed with its smell so much that I insolently forbid my mum to wash it except the several times when I wetted my bed. By the time I was 17, my mum have gotten very worried. Though I was not carrying Little Pillow around then, but I swore we would be together till death did us apart. I was even planning to bring Little Pillow to my marriage bed. My mum said that would be shameful and tried to persuade me to dump Little Pillow. I retorted that my future husband wouldn’t mind – probably the start of my distressing and disastrous journey with men, my poor evaluation of which got me into trouble, REALY BIG trouble.  My smarter mum eventually threw Little Pillow when I was out in the college.

When I realized that, I was devastated. In a million years, I wouldn’t have expected him to disappear without saying goodbye. Still, the feeling of the unwilling separation aka being dumped was salt to my broken heart.

I certainly had an experience of being dumped. It sucked the energy out of me and I got drained and thrown down to a dark deep dirty well and left alone, afraid and clueless how to get out. But it was also at these times, I learnt to live with the darkness, see clearer despite the darkness and find ways to reach the light beyond the darkness. It was a mind-boggling, spiritual and soul-searching experience that made me grow into a better person.

It was easy to launch angry birds at the other parties, revelling on their falls and explosions into the thin air. But my most recent heartbreak taught me more about acceptance, forgiveness and self-worth. And because I gain all my self-worth and forego my pride, I was able to see my own mistakes I made in the relationship that were causing the problem (I’ll share more on this in later posts). Of course, if he was a relationship guru like Anthony Robbins or Dr John Gray, we probably would be able to swerve the winding paths without overturning the car. But he was just a man who was trying to take baby steps in a relationship and was not prepared to handle the emotional flood. I was foolish. He was obtuse. We would have made a wonderful albeit odd couple.

Like the Little Pillow episode, I have gotten over it and moved on with my life. One thing for sure about heartbreak is time always heals. But another more important thing, as Gary Zukav said, eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.

I love falling in love,
Susan

Stay tuned for more on heartbreak and how to heal. And love.

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About FlirtatiousSu

“If I learn the best from falling, please throw me up high in the sky. Let my Passion be the air cushion, my Resilience be the soft ground and my Love be the healer. ” She made a wish and it came true. Fallen and gotten back up, she also learns she has to live without judgment, give without expecting, forgive without punishing, dream with no limit, learn like a baby, and love unconditionally. She strives to do these every day, stays true to herself and shares her journey with the world.

6 responses to “Heartbreak – Then and Now”

  1. fairydaphne says :

    Believe it or not, I have successfully carried my little blanket to my marriage. It has been with me for more than 20 years. I do not want to wash it most of the time unless I have to as my mother in-law will once awhile come to housekeep my house and my little blanket is never escaped from being thrown into the washing machine and dry in the sun! I complaint every time it has been washed but my husband warned me that mom does it for our good else I will get infected by harmful germs. Even though I don’t agree but nothing much I can do. It takes me awhile to re-generate my very unique odor and smell back into my little blanket. It is the odor and smell that make me feel reluctant to get out of the bed every morning. I feel extremely blessed and heartwarming when smelling of the odor and smell of me absorbed by my little blanket every moment. Regardless of days or nights, hot or cold; I will surely be covered with my little blanket from shoulder down to the toe when in bed. =)
    It is so so unlucky that your little pillow had been thrown away, perhaps I can share my little blanket with you next time you come overnight my place. I believe you will love my little blanket like I do! It is priceless and precious…. Hehehe …….

  2. FlirtatiousSu says :

    Fairy, I will come to your place and not only I will share your blanket but will steal it! Haha.

    You really have a fairy tale – first sweet love then marriage. You, your husband and little blanket live happily ever after.

  3. Flamboyant G says :

    Hard to imagine having this (to me) little strange habit of smelling “smelly” blanket or pillow, even it is my OWN odor. Have never slept with things unwashed for more than 1 week … Am too used to fragrance and perfume. Some say this is too synthetic and unnatural. Well, a pure matter of personal preference. Go girls – do what you love which makes you merry !

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